This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
