I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
