i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
