i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you didnt know i had herpes?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
