went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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