Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
