I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
