Sry I called you an 8
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
