and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You are the jesus of drinking
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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