Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
