Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
