if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
