i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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