before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
