At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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