Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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