You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
