Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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