I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
