he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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