it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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