Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So apparently I’m into choking now
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