my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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