i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
