ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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