Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
