You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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