dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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