dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
