i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
