I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
