Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
