after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
