I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
