I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
