I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
another moral hangover. fuck.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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