stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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