so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
