OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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