great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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