i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
