I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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