i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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