Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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