Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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