Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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