I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Holy sore nipples Batman
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize