Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
