Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
