Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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