I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
