I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
