You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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