It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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