I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
