I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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